My husband spent nearly an hour arguing with our 14-year-old daughter over her Halloween costume. I finally agreed to let her leave the house dressed exactly as she wanted, but only if she accepted one little condition. Neither of them expected what happened next.
“Where’s the rest of your outfit?”
My husband, Grant, nearly spilled his coffee when our 14-year-old daughter, Lily, walked into the kitchen.
“Dad, seriously?”
“You’re not leaving the house dressed like that.”
Lily stood in a white lace crop top, a tiny fluffy skirt, enormous angel wings, and a fuzzy white hat.
“It’s an angel costume!”
“Then where are the rest of the angel’s clothes?”
“Dad!”
Grant pointed toward the stairs.
“Go change.”
“No! Everyone’s wearing costumes like this!”
“Everyone isn’t my daughter.”
Lily turned to me.
“Mom, tell him!”
I had seen the wings and hat the previous evening.
I hadn’t realized how little else came with them.
Before I could answer, Grant said, “Kylie, you’re not seriously considering letting her go?”
Lily threw up her hands.
“Why does everything have to become a huge argument?”
“Because you refuse to listen!”
For nearly an hour, they argued over the costume.
Grant insisted it was inappropriate.
Lily insisted he was treating her like a baby.
Then she said something that made me stop listening to the argument and start paying closer attention to her.
“If I don’t wear this, I might as well stay home!”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because!”
“Because what?”
Lily looked at her phone.
“Nothing.”
That was the first thing that didn’t make sense.
Lily had spent weeks planning Halloween.
She loved handing out candy, comparing decorations, and laughing with her friends.
Why would changing one costume ruin the entire night?
“Who’s waiting for you?” I asked.
“Brooke and Madison.”
“At Brooke’s house?”
“Yes. We’re taking pictures before trick-or-treating.”
Grant folded his arms.
“Then they can wait while you find something else.”
“They won’t wait!”
The words came out so quickly that Lily seemed surprised she’d said them.
I moved closer.
“What happens if you’re late?”
“Brooke said everyone has to be there by 7:00 p.m.”
“And if someone isn’t?”
“She starts without them.”
“Starts what?”
“The pictures!”
Lily looked away.
I remembered something from the previous Halloween.
She had worn an orange pumpkin sweater I’d helped decorate with little felt leaves.
She’d seemed delighted when she left.
But she’d returned early, barely touched her candy, and gone straight to her room.
I’d believed her when she said she had a headache.
Now I wasn’t so sure.
“Did something happen with the pictures last year?” I asked.
Lily’s face tightened.
“Can we not do this?”
“Just tell me.”
She stared at the floor.
“Brooke said I didn’t match everybody else.”
“So?”
“So they took the group pictures without me.”
Grant’s expression changed.
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Because it was embarrassing!”
Her eyes filled.
“Everybody was dressed up, and I looked like somebody’s little sister.”
I felt a pang of guilt.
I’d been so pleased with that pumpkin sweater.
“Did Brooke say that?”
Lily nodded.
“She said I made the pictures look childish.”
Grant took a breath.
“Sweetheart, that doesn’t mean you have to wear something you’re uncomfortable with.”
“I’m not uncomfortable!”
“Then why are you crying?”
“Because nobody understands!”
She wiped her cheeks angrily.
“I actually like this costume. But I don’t want to be left out again.”
That was different from what I’d feared.
Lily wasn’t pretending to like the costume.
She genuinely did.
But she was terrified of what would happen if Brooke stopped liking her.
Her phone buzzed.
Brooke had sent another message.
“Are you coming or not? We’re not changing the plan for one person.”
Lily typed quickly.
“I’m coming.”
Another message appeared.
“Good. Remember, everyone has to follow the picture rules.”
I looked at Lily.
“What rules?”
“Just picture stuff.”
“What kind of picture stuff?”
“Mom, please!”
Grant reached for his coffee.
“That’s enough. You’re staying home.”
“No!”
I stepped between them.
“Grant, let me handle this.”
He stared at me.
“After everything she’s just told us?”
“Especially after that.”
I turned to Lily.
“Do you want to wear this costume?”
“Yes.”
“Would you still want to wear it if Brooke wore something completely different?”
She considered that.
“Yes.”
“Alright. You can wear it.”
Grant nearly dropped his mug.
“Kylie!”
Lily’s face lit up.
“Really?”
“Really. But there’s one condition.”
Her smile faded.
“What?”
I held out my hand.
“Before you leave, I want you to send Brooke a message.”
“About what?”
“Tell her you’re coming in the costume you chose, but you won’t agree to any picture rules you haven’t been told about.”
