“Then you should’ve asked him to break it. You don’t destroy something he loves and call that healing.”
Logan wiped his face with both hands.
“How long did you have this?”
“I thought if I broke the ritual, you’d finally open the box.”
Alex looked at the black box.
“Fifteen years.”
“Fifteen?” I breathed.
He nodded.
I held up Lily’s bracelet.
“You had her things for 15 years?”
“Yes.”
“And this picture?”
He looked down.
“And you never showed me?”
Alex’s voice fell. “I couldn’t.”
“You had her things for 15 years?”
“You couldn’t?”
“At first, I thought it would hurt you, Joana. You came home barely able to talk about the hospital, and every time I tried, you shut down.”
“That explains the beginning,” I spat. “Not 15 years.”
Alex looked at the photograph.
“That explains the beginning… Not 15 years.”
“After a while, telling you meant admitting how long I’d already kept it from you. Every year I waited made the next one harder.”
“So you kept choosing for me.”
His eyes dropped.
“Yes.”
Logan picked up Lily’s cap.
He held it in both hands.
“How long was she alive?”
“Every year I waited made the next one harder.”
Alex didn’t answer quickly enough.
I looked at him.
“Alex…”
He rubbed both palms over his face.
“Longer than you were told, buddy.”
“What does that mean?”
“She didn’t die right after delivery.”
I stepped closer. “How long?”
“A few hours.”
I stared at him.
“She didn’t die right after delivery.”
Logan looked from one of us to the other.
“You said she stopped breathing.”
“She did,” Alex said. “But not immediately.”
“You let me believe she died before I could ever know her,” I cried.
Alex’s eyes reddened.
“You were sick, Joana. You were barely conscious. Everything was happening at once.”
“You let me believe she died before I could ever know her.”
“That doesn’t explain anything.”
“I know.”
“Then explain it.”
He looked toward Logan.
“Not here. There’s someone who was there. She agreed to meet us this morning.”
Logan’s fingers closed around the tiny cap.
“Who?”
“Not here. There’s someone who was there. She agreed to meet us this morning.”
“The neonatal nurse who cared for both of you. I tracked her down months ago. She still remembered that night.”
I looked at Alex.
He had arranged this.
Once again, he had decided what the rest of us were ready for.
Logan stood.
“Fine.”
I tracked her down months ago. She still remembered that night.”
He placed Lily’s bracelet back into the box.
“But I’m taking this.”
He picked up the photograph.
Alex nodded.
Logan looked at him sharply.
“I wasn’t asking.”
Twenty minutes later, we were in the car.
Logan sat in the back with the black box on his knees.
“But I’m taking this.”
Alex drove.
I sat beside him without looking his way.
Nobody spoke until Logan finally spoke from behind us.
“Dad?”
Alex glanced at the mirror.
“Yeah?”
Logan held the photograph against his chest.
“Did Lily know I was there?”
Alex’s hands tightened around the steering wheel.
“Did Lily know I was there?”
Then he said quietly, “That’s why we’re going.”
The nurse placed the photograph on the table between us.
“I remember this day,” she said softly. “Your father asked me three times if bringing you close to Lily was safe.”
Logan looked at Alex.
“You asked?”
Your father asked me three times if bringing you close to Lily was safe.”
Alex nodded. “I didn’t want to make anything worse.”
The nurse turned toward me. “Lily was very sick, Joana. The doctors were doing everything they could, but your husband knew time might be short.”
I looked at the tiny pink cap inside the black box.
“And I was unconscious.”
“The doctors were doing everything they could, but your husband knew time might be short.”
“You were recovering,” she corrected gently. “Alex kept going between you and the babies.”
Logan pointed at the photograph.
“Did Lily know I was there?”
The nurse took her time.
“I can’t tell you what Lily understood.”
Logan’s eyes stayed on hers.
“Alex kept going between you and the babies.”
