“No. I’m good,” he said, looking at the ground.
He grabbed his backpack.
“I’m gonna wait for the bus outside.”
“Love you, Mom.”
“Love you too.”
He left without looking at Jared.
Jared frowned after him.
“Now look what you did.”
“He’s uncomfortable because you’re insulting me in front of him.”
“Love you, Mom.”
“I’m being honest.”
“You’re being cruel.”
Jared took his coffee and walked away.
I stared at Jacob’s half-finished cereal.
I’d told myself staying quiet protected the boys.
That morning, I wondered what my silence was teaching them.
“You’re being cruel.”
Two nights later, Jared dropped a stack of glossy pamphlets on our bed.
I picked one up: liposuction.
The next mentioned breast implants.
“What is this?”
“Options.”
I looked at him. “For who?”
I picked one up: liposuction.
“For you.”
Jared already knew I wasn’t considering elective surgery while my thyroid treatment was being adjusted.
“I don’t want surgery.”
“You haven’t even looked into it.”
“I shouldn’t have to cut up my body to earn kindness from my husband.”
“It’s about attraction.”
“I don’t want surgery.”
That hurt. Then he made it worse.
“If you refuse to do anything about your body, don’t expect me to stay forever. I’m not trying to hurt you, Cassie. I’m just being open and honest. Don’t you want that?”
He turned toward the door.
“No.”
Jared stopped.
Then he made it worse.
“You don’t get to say that and walk away.”
“I’m telling you the truth.”
“You keep threatening me with these imaginary men who would’ve left.”
“Most would’ve.”
I stepped closer.
“Then I’m starting to wonder why you’re so sure staying with you is the prize.”
“I’m telling you the truth.”
His expression changed.
Jared was used to hurting me, not hearing me answer.
He walked out.
I sat shaking on the bed.
Then I noticed Jacob at the end of the hallway, holding one of Levi’s toy trucks.
His eyes dropped to the brochures.
“Levi won’t sleep unless his trucks are lined up,” he said quietly.
His expression changed.
“I know, baby.”
He looked at me.
“Mom…”
“I’m okay. I promise.”
Jacob didn’t move.
“No, you’re not.”
Then he walked away.
“I know, baby.”
I picked up my phone and photographed every brochure.
Not for court or revenge. For me.
Jared often claimed, “That’s not what I said.”
I was done letting him edit my memory.
The next afternoon, Jessica came by with a tin of homemade chocolate-chip cookies for the boys.
Levi hugged Jessica the second she walked in with cookies for the boys. Jacob stole two before I could stop him.
“That’s not what I said.”
Jessica had always been warm with my boys. She’d never made me feel like competition.
When the boys went back outside, Jessica sat across from me.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Does Jared talk about me a lot?”
I stopped opening the cookie tin.
“Why?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“He comments on my clothes. My legs. My body. He keeps telling Liam how lucky he is.”
My stomach tightened.
“I kept telling myself Jared was just being Jared.”
“I’ve been doing the same thing.”
I told her about the comparisons and how Jared said he’d be happier if I looked more like her.
“Cassie.”
“He keeps telling Liam how lucky he is.”
“He brought home surgery brochures.”
“What?!”
“Liposuction. Implants.”
Jessica leaned forward. “He knows about your thyroid.”
“Yes.”
“And you told him you don’t want surgery?”
“More than once, Jess. He just… refuses to listen.”
“He brought home surgery brochures.”
Her face hardened.
“Then this isn’t concern.”
I swallowed.
“I thought he admired you.”
“He doesn’t get to turn me into a weapon against you.”
That landed harder than I expected.
Jessica lowered her voice.
“He doesn’t get to turn me into a weapon against you.”
“I work out because losing my dad to heart problems when he was so young scared me. Not because I think women owe anyone a certain body.”
Then she looked me straight in the eye.
“I’m not flattered by Jared. I’m uncomfortable, Cass.”
I nodded, strangely relieved.
I’d never seen Jessica as competition. Hearing that Jared made her uncomfortable changed something in me.
“So what do you want to do?” she asked.
